One-Minute Melee: GIR VS Clank
by Orange Ratchet
Summary: Zim and GIR arrive in Florana in the Solana Galaxy to locate a powerful wrench in hopes of conquering Earth and destroying Dib. However, a certain lombax and his robot friend are coming along to prevent them from attaining that wrench! Who will be able to come out on top in the end? Based off Hyper Gauge's One-Minute Melees!


DISCLAIMER TIME! I don't own Ratchet and Clank, which belongs to Insomniac Games, or Invader ZIM, which belongs to Nickelodeon and Jhonen Vasquez! Any other shows that are mentioned belongs to their respective creators! I also don't own the concept of 1 Minute Melee, which belongs to Hyper Gauge!

Time for the next episode to come to play! This one is a suggestion that was given to me by Psychochiken, who requested this just as I ended Season 2 of my One Minute Melee series. Unfortunately, I couldn't fit it in Season 3, but Season 4 worked fine, so Psychochiken, I hope you enjoy this battle, if you're still reading! Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

 **1 Minute Melee!  
With the fighting going on, who needs more time?  
Two fighters! Sixty seconds! One victor!**

 ** _GO!_**

* * *

 **(Florana)**

The farthest parts of space had been particularly quiet over the last few days, but mostly, for the Galactic Rangers, work is never done. For them, it started out as a mission to take down Dr. Nefarious, which seemed pretty normal, but, just as they were about to lay down some smack, they noticed Nefarious stopping short and holding out his hand, shooting a beam into space, which had a giant hole open up. Getting suspicious at what had just happened, they had successfully captured Nefarious by knocking him out (whilst he glitched out so that his soap opera was sounding out of his systems) and took him to a prison, where they analyzed his brain, wondering what his plans were.

There was nothing involving the giant beam of light that he shot into space, as when Nefarious came to, he was just as confused as everyone else. But nevertheless, thanks to some analyzings of his working robotic mind, they had received what may have been a clue. About a certain place... and that was where our three heroes were looking for.

A man in a green superhero uniform was taking a breath through his nose, sniffing the fresh air. "Ah, the swampy air of Florana. It's nice to be back in the second home away from home."

A yellow Lombax in green shorts and a blue space helmet, could only roll his eyes as he held out his wrench. "Focus, Qwark! Al told us that Nefarious was near this place during his travels... and we need more clues and information on why he was in THIS place in particular."

"You certainly have that right, my Lombax friend!" Captain Qwark smiled as he looked up. "For whatever nefarious deeds Nefarious had planned, we will not take it!"

"If I am not mistaken, Dr. Nefarious isn't the only one we should be questioning about." A robot with green eyes and a red antennae said, looking around. "We also need to know more about that skeleton man and his army of eyeballs that he had previously met in his travels."

"That guy..." The Lombax, known as Ratchet, sighed. "From what Sasha had told us, this guy is called 'Lord Hater', and seems to be on the same wavelength as Nefarious. But why he along with his... army of eyeballs were here, I'm not sure."

"Well, let's recap what we do know from Nefarious's memories..." The robot, known as Clank said as he, Ratchet and Captain Qwark sat down. "What we do know is that Nefarious had spotted the ship that belonged to Lord Hater arriving on this spot."

"And we do know that Nefarious went down to fight this guy." Qwark said. "What we don't know is what happened afterwards... we know Nefarious was about to punch Hater out, then the next scene changed to him back on the ship. And when he went to go back for Round 2, the skeleton man had already vanished..."

"What is more interesting is that he didn't seem to take anything away, so if this Lord Hater is good, then he was just on our side against Nefarious." Ratchet said.

"You seem to be forgetting the 'Hater' in his name. He could have also been a bad guy as well... and maybe he was intending to take something from this planet." Clank started to think.

"That could very well be possible... but who would stop Hater after he stopped Nefarious at the last minute?" Ratchet asked.

"That is the question I'm afraid I do not have the particular answer to." Clank said. "However, what would they be searching for..."

Qwark paused as he was using his brain. "I've been thinking..."

"Don't hurt yourself too much, Qwark." Ratchet smirked.

Captain Qwark paid it no mind as he said, "When I was living with the monkeys, I've heard tall rumors about a hidden treasure that was in Florana. I've never seen it, but I know it's there."

"A treasure?" Ratchet asked in curiosity as he and Clank turned to him.

Qwark nodded as he got up and started proclaiming. "The treasure of the Ultra Wrench. Rumor has it that there is a very powerful wrench surrounded by an amount of treasure hidden deep in the cave, and the one to wield the wrench is proven to be the most powerful of all."

Clank's eyes lidded down in suspicion as Ratchet's eyes glowed in interest. Qwark then deflated as he said, "Of course, that's all just rumors and guesswork."

"But you say this 'Ultra Wrench is deep in the forest?" Ratchet asked.

"Er... maybe deeper." Qwark shrugged.

"Well, I'm convinced. Come on, Clank, Qwark. We're going off to find that wrench!" Ratchet said, getting up as he gripped his wrench.

"How do you know it even exists, Ratchet?" Clank asked in curiosity.

"I don't know, but it wouldn't hurt to explore every inch of this planet." Ratchet said as he smiled, "Besides, we seem to be the only people here... this treasure is sure to be found sooner or later..."

As Ratchet said that, Clank looked up to see a ship flying by them. "Ratchet, I have spotted a ship up in the sky."

Ratchet chuckled as he said, "Clank, there are many, MANY ships in the sky."

"Yes, but this ship is different from the rest. It seems to have a symbol of a... bug on it in the back."

"A bug?" Ratchet raised an eyebrow as Qwark's eyes widened.

"Er... a black ant-like head on the side of the ship?" Qwark asked, nervously.

"Do you know that symbol?" Clank asked, turning to Qwark.

Captain Qwark chuckled nervously as he said, "I've seen it before in some galactic travels, but I never thought we'd find one in this galaxy... this ship is part of an empire called the 'Irkens'!"

"The Irken Empire? Wait, isn't that those army of aliens that somehow take over your planet, and their leaders are more interested in snacks and yet they never gain weight from it?" Ratchet asked.

"The same." Qwark said seriously.

Ratchet frowned as he pulled out his wrench. "I thought they were banned from the Solana Galaxy and that any Irken spotted would be arrested on the spot. You don't think they heard about the treasure, do you?"

"It is a ten percent chance, but..." Clank said.

"But nothing! Come on! Let's catch up to that ship!" Ratchet said as he started to point south.

Clank could only sigh as he jumped on Ratchet's back, assuming his backpack position.

"I'll be right behind you!" Qwark smirked as Ratchet started to go off. As soon as Qwark assumed Ratchet and Clank were gone, Qwark sat down next to the ship as he pulled out a newspaper. "And by that, I mean I'll be waiting, warming the ship up for you!"

Qwark hummed as he got comfortable, waiting by the ship as he flipped the newspaper to the next page.

* * *

All the while, the pink ship with the ant-like symbol in the back was moving up as it landed as two figures hopped down.

The first figure was a short, green-skinned alien with a pair of antennae, magenta eyes, a red and black striped shirt, commando boots, black gloves and a pink spotted backpack on his back. The second figure was a grey robot with blue eyes, a blue antennae, a blue plate on the front of his body and a stupid looking smile on his face.

"Behold, GIR! We are in the land of Florana!" The green alien, known as the Irken, Zim, was smiling as he was looking around.

"Oooooo... AHahshda!" GIR, the robot, awed before twitching out a bit, then stood in position.

Zim looked over at GIR, not even surprised in the slightest that GIR was being himself. "In case you don't remember, GIR, the Tallest have sent us here from Earth to find and retrieve the 'Ultra Wrench'! The Tallest have made the correct choice in assigning me for they know that if I get that wrench, I'll be able to DESTROY the Earth!"

"BOO!" GIR said in an enthusiastic voice.

Zim frowned. "No, GIR, that's a good thing."

"I had no idea." GIR said absentmindedly.

"No, no you didn't." Zim said calmly... then yelled, "FOCUS, GIR! Not only will I be able to destroy the Earth, I will conquer it and I'll be able to destroy my fated enemy... Dib!"

GIR said nothing, but looked around as Zim sighed. "You help me find this wrench, I'll treat you to tacos."

"TACOS!" GIR said in excitement as his head opened up as he pulled out a shovel, and saluted him.

"Excellent! We'll be able to make our start by going deep. What do you say?" Zim asked.

"I say you turn back and leave our galaxy!"

Zim and GIR stopped short as they turned to see Ratchet holding position, and holding the wrench. Zim just looked at the Lombax in confusion... then asked, "Hey? Who are you? Why are you here?"

"I'm one of the Galactic Rangers, Ratchet. And me and my buddy here..." Ratchet said as Clank appeared from behind him and assumed a stance. "...we're going to put a stop to stealing the Ultra Wrench!"

Zim frowned. "Hey, no chance, you... cat... dog... like... thing, you! I'm already here to do my own work and it's no easy feat!"

"Regardless, you're still invading the property of our galaxy!" Ratchet frowned as he held his wrench up.

"If you must know, I have permission to come here from the Tallest themselves!" Zim smirked as he held his communicator watch. "In fact, I'll give them a call and set you straight!"

* * *

 **(The Massive)**

Deep in space, a large pink ship that's surrounding many small ships was cruising along the galaxy as two tall Irken like creatures, one wearing a red tallest get-up, and the other a purple tallest get-up respectively, were lounging around, enjoying a helping of nachos. One of the Irkens in control of the ship then turned to the Tallest. "My Tallest, another call from Invader ZIM!"

The Tallest Purple groaned as he said, "Hasn't he been shot down already? You'd think the security in the Solana Galaxy would get him!"

"Now, now, it's best we ignore Zim's calls for now." The Tallest Red sighed. "I'm not in the mood to hear one of ZIM's stupid reports."

"Agreed!" The Tallest Purple sighed... then he looked over and gasped. "Hey! Our soft pretzels just got done!"

"Oh, let's have at it!" The Tallest Red said in excitement as he and Tallest Purple started to go into the other room.

* * *

 **(Florana)**

Ratchet and Clank just stood in confusion as Zim kept poking the buttons on the watch. Zim frowned as he groaned, throwing the watch aside. "Well, turns out the line is busy, but I have been given permission, I assure you!"

Ratchet frowned as he raised his wrench. "I seem to recall the Irken Armada being banned from Solana."

"YOU'RE LYING!" Zim yelled, pointing to Ratchet. "I am here on official business to get that Ultra Wrench!"

Clank paused as he said, "The one that is rumored to be here."

"The same!" Zim frowned. "And you will not get in my way of achieving such greatness! GIR! Handle the monkey guy's robot!"

GIR's eyes glowed red as he saluted. "Yes, sir!"

GIR's eyes then went back to its' regular blue as he gave a smile, then turned to Clank.

Ratchet groaned. "Trying to resist arrest, huh? Very well... don't say I didn't warn you! You ready for this, buddy?"

"As ready as I can be." Clank nodded as he assumed position.

Zim could only laugh. "This is sad and pathetic, I could almost cry!"

Zim then summoned some spider legs from his backpack as he assumed the position.

 **LET THOSE GEARS FLY!  
FIGHT!**

 **(60 Seconds)**

Ratchet started to head towards Zim as Zim charged straight for him. That left the two robots, Clank and GIR, staring down each other.

Clank started the battle as he ran over and did some karate moves towards GIR, knocking him back. GIR then gave a laugh as he started hopping around like a mad rabbit. Clank frowned as the robot's green eyes narrowed in determination. Clank then jumped up as he summoned a helicopter propeller out of his head and started to glide towards the hopping blue-eyed robot.

GIR hummed as he started laughing happily before spotting Clank. Before Clank could respond with a fighting move, GIR grabbed Clank and started to fly up in the air with him.

"WHEEEEEEE!" GIR screamed in joy as Clank looked down.

"Oh my." Clank said as he examined GIR. "This robot seems to be in working order, yet is made from trash and seems to be... defective?"

It was then GIR let go of Clank as Clank seemed to be falling... but thankfully, he summoned two jets from his arms as he started to lower himself down quite easily. Clank then looked up towards the defective robot as GIR flew at the green-eyed robot again.

Clank yelped as he ducked around, letting GIR fly off and made impact with a wall. Clank paused. "I may need to examine what he can do..."

 **(50 Seconds)**

GIR recovered from the impact giving a goofy smile as he turned towards Clank, who made a good landing. GIR then used his arms to send out some creamy-like textures flying towards the robot as Clank got engulfed in it. GIR then gave a giggle as soon as he was finished.

Clank then got out of the stuff as he put a finger on the stuff in his chest plate and tasted it. Clank raised an eyebrow. "Tuna?"

GIR then gave a scream as he started to head butt Clank as the green-eyed robot started flying towards a tree. As Clank made impact with the tree, GIR gave a happy smile, then started to appear next to Clank as he grabbed him.

"OH! Piggy! Look!" GIR said as his head opened up and a rubber piggy popped out. "He went splat!"

GIR laughed as Clank groaned, getting up.

 **(40 Seconds)**

Clank then went and assumed position again as he pulled out a few metal bombs with orange spots. GIR looked at them as he started to look at them in curiosity. Clank then started to chuck the bombs straight at the blue-eyed robot.

GIR, giggling with glee, just caught the bombs as he started to juggle them and the rubber pig around, much to Clank's befuddlement. The blue eyed robot then tossed the bombs up in the air and ate them up as they exploded inside his body... before GIR burped. Clank frowned as he pulled out a banana gun and shot a banana at GIR. GIR looked at the banana in amazement... but before he could eat it, a monkey came swinging in and beat GIR down and grabbed the banana before going off.

Clank then gave a nod as he ran over and karate chopped GIR straight to a tree as GIR got knocked back.

 **(30 Seconds)**

The robot groaned as GIR picked his rubber piggy and looked at it... before Clank picked up his Heli-Pack blades and threw them straight at GIR. GIR yelped as he slid over, causing the Heli-Pack blades to miss him as he threw his rubber piggy up.

GIR then started to open his head up as a sandwich blasted out of it and impacted Clank, causing him to fly a bit. GIR smiled a bit as he was about to charge...

RIP! SQUEAK!

GIR's eyes widened in shock and horror as the Heli-Pack blades went back into Clank's hands. GIR slowly turned as his eyes dimmed down to see a rubber pig split in two right before his eyes.

"P-Piggy..." GIR sniffled.

 **(20 Seconds)**

Clank looked over, feeling sad as he went over. "I apologize for your loss, M-"

But that was as far as Clank got before GIR turned, his eyes red with anger as he said, "I WILL AVENGE YOU, PIGGY!"

GIR screamed as he started shooting lasers from his eyes, causing Clank to yelp as he started to jump out of the way of the lasers. Clank started to look a little worried, knowing that now the gloves were off for this little robot that seemed a bit... stupid. He knew he would have to be careful at this point.

It was then a circular saw blade appeared from out of GIR's head as Clank seemed worried. But before GIR could get any closer, Clank decided to pull out a ray like weapon. Clank then shot a blue laser from the weapon, as it engulfed GIR as he was starting to slow down. Clank, giving a smirk decided to run to the side as he closed his eyes as he felt himself growing.

 **(10 Seconds)**

Quick as a flash, his body started to grow to the size of King Kong as Clank's head was got engulfed. Around that time, GIR started going in fast motion again as he kept screaming... but his screaming of vengence soon turned into a scream of terror as he looked up and saw the gigantic Clank in front of him. GIR's antennae drooped down a bit.

Clank gave a laugh as he started to step towards GIR.

 **(5...)**

GIR tried to activate his jet boosters, but thanks to them being filled with tuna, it was merely a bust.

 **(4...)**

Clank bent down and picked up the robot.

 **(3...)**

GIR looked a little nervous as Clank aimed him up at the sky.

 **(2...)**

Clank then shut his eyes as GIR looked ready to scream.

 **(1...)**

Clank then shot a rocket towards GIR as it knocked him out of Clank's hands.

 ** _KO!_**

The unconscious GIR somehow managed to cling onto the rocket as it started to fly off. Clank looked at the robot in pity as he shrunk back down to regular size.

It was then Clank noticed a figure flying to the side and being knocked back. Clank noticed that Zim had been beaten down and knocked unconscious by Ratchet as Ratchet came next to Clank, his wrench in hand.

"Good work in getting rid of that robot, Clank!" Ratchet smiled... then frowned. "Shame you shot him off somewhere. We'll need to bring them both back with us to the Galactic Rangers."

"I apologize for that, Ratchet, but things have been... delayed." Clank said, nervously.

Ratchet paused as he nodded. "Anyway, we'll have to put the plans to find that Ultra Wrench on hold..."

"The one that most likely doesn't exist?" Clank said, skeptical.

"Hey, it may be real, it may be not. The most important thing is... we managed to keep it safe. I mean... who else would want a wrench as powerful as that?" Ratchet said as he started to collect the unconscious Zim.

* * *

Little did Ratchet, Clank or anybody else realize was that somewhere, deep in the forests of Florana, there was a cave that did contain treasure, along with a floating, orange wrench. It was right around that time a portal opened up next to the wrench as five familiar kids were stepping out.

"There it is... the Ultra Wrench." All five kids said at the same time as one of them took it and laughed. "Father will most definitely be pleased..."

 **This melee's winner is...**

 ** _CLANK_**

* * *

 ** _NEXT TIME, ON SEASON 4 OF ONE MINUTE MELEE..._**

 ** _Life under the sea with magical mermaids sounds peaceful, but they can be rather feisty!_**

* * *

And that's this episode of One-Minute Melee! How'd you guys like it? Do you have any criticisms or good comments to say? Leave it in your reviews! Also, if you have any suggestions for One-Minute Melees, please leave it in your reviews, PMs, or if you're on Deviantart and you've seen them on my profile, comment a One-Minute Melee you'd like to see! Maybe I'll put it in my next season! Anyway, thank you all for reading this, have a great day!


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